


something greater

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Redemption, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 18:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: Dean's had a lot of self-destructive urges in his life, and maybe to some extent, this was too. But it wasn't that he wanted to punish himself; it's just that something else was so much bigger and more important that he couldn't begin to even see himself or what could happen to him. It didn't matter. It didn't even exist. He used to think that was scary, loving something that much, because it made you vulnerable, because it could only ever hurt you, but going into that fight — he'd just felt at peace with that truth. With the greater meaning it gives to everything he does.Post-RAW March 11th. When Seth realises what's happened to Dean, he doesn't take it well.





	something greater

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, this is what happens when WWE won't give us a fallout video, so I have to write one myself.

His vision's still blurry when he finally starts to open his eyes. His head hurts like a motherfucker, he isn't exactly sure where the hell he is just that he's lying on a hard, cold surface, he can vaguely register people's voices echoing around him strangely. He can't really hear what they're saying, but it doesn't sound good. He can just barely make out the shapes of the officials hovering all around him, and he tries to squint up at them, but that makes it worse. So then he slowly shakes his head and blinks a few times and the fog starts clearing — and he realises that Seth's on his knees right next to him, looking down at his face. He looks pale and drawn, his eyes wide. He was worried before with Roman — Dean could tell, even though he was trying his hardest to stay calm. But now it's like that's all melted away. He can't keep up the facade anymore.

He realises Seth's shaking a bit, his hands braced on the ground in front of him. And it looks like he wants to touch him but he's hesitant to actually reach out and do it. But then he sees Dean's eyes opening and he quickly shifts closer, until he's leaning over him, and he takes his face in his hands gently. His eyes are big and watery and _terrified_.

"Oh god, Dean, I thought you — What the hell happened? Why the hell did you do that?" he says, voice raw and desperate.

Dean's confused for a moment. Seth has to _know_ , right? There wasn't any other choice. It was the only thing he could do, save punching a hole through a wall. Seth may feel better talking to people soothingly and telling them it's going to be okay, sitting by their bedside for hours and holding their hand, but that's not Dean. He needs to know he's _doing_ something. Maybe that's why he couldn't deal with Roman leaving in the first place. Because there was nothing he could _do_ about it. You can't punch cancer in the throat, as much as you may want to. But this — at least he could do _this_. Even if he couldn't quite get the job done this time. There'll be a next, he'll make certain of it. He's gonna make that asshole regret not finishing the job.

So he ignores the question completely. "Is Roman okay?" he asks instead, because that's all that really matters.

Seth just looks at him strangely, his face twisting into a look of bewilderment and almost disbelief. He slides his hands off of his face, almost flinching away from Dean like he doesn't recognise him anymore. And then he finally seems to collect himself again. "He's gonna be okay," he reassures him softly. "But you shouldn't be worried about that now — You need to worry about _yourself_."

"It doesn't matter," Dean says evenly. 

Seth narrows his eyes at him. "What the hell are you talking about —?" he starts to ask, but then he's being pushed aside by trainers and doctors and whoever else and as much as he doesn't want any part of that, he's grateful for the end of this conversation for now.

*

When he's done being checked out, he only has a moment to take a breath before Seth's there standing over him again, arms crossed. The fear's subsided a bit from his face, replaced by disappointment. That's probably worse, though.

"Where's Roman?" he asks carefully. That's a safe subject, he figures.

"Resting," Seth says, clipped. "For now. He'll be here in a bit, though, so don't think you're getting off the hook so easy."

"Seth —" he starts, already feeling exhausted.

"How could you do that?" he cuts in. "You just _left_ when Roman was hurt and you went off on your own to get yourself killed?"

And that fucking stings, but it also makes him feel slightly offended.

"Don't try to make me feel guilty, Seth, it's not gonna work," he tells him, almost like a warning.

"I'm not trying to make you feel _guilty_ ," Seth insists. "I just want to know what the hell possessed you to do something so irrational and — _stupid_. Without talking to me. Without telling — _us_."

Seth's trying to play it off casually, but Dean catches the way he slips up before he corrects himself. The way he averts his eyes for a second, almost shamefully.

"Because I can't make any decisions on my own without you, right?" Dean says, with a raised eyebrow. "Because _you're_ always here to play the boss, right? To play the disappointed mother when poor old Deano does something stupid again. Well, I'm sorry, _mom_ —"

Seth just rolls his eyes, huffs an exasperated sigh. "Dean, come on, you're deflecting," he says, and it's clear he's not having any of his bullshit right now.

"It was a _match_ ," Dean says stubbornly. "I asked for it and I got it. And it was _daddy dearest's_ decision, so maybe you should go ask him instead. But then again, maybe you don't have to, because we all know how you feel about _his_ decisions —"

"That's not fair, Dean," Seth says, actually looking hurt. And okay, maybe that was a cheap shot. "Don't turn this on me."

"Well, then why are you turning it on _me_?" he counters, knowing how defensive he sounds. "I did what I _had_ to do. I wasn't going to let that asshole get away with it, with hurting _Roman_ —"

Seth just shakes his head, like he knows that's not all this was. "You were _angry_. You were angry and you let that anger drive you and you didn't have a plan. And it cost you. It could've cost you a hell of a lot more. And then what would it have been worth? Is _revenge_ really worth destroying yourself over?" he asks, an imploring look in his eyes.

"Well, I don't care about that," Dean says dismissively, but he can't quite look at him this time.

"Well, I _do_ ," Seth tells him emphatically. "I care about what happens to you. And what — you don't think I wanted to go after him too?"

"Why didn't you, then?" Dean says, tilting his chin up at him, almost a challenge.

"Because Roman was hurt," Seth tells him pointedly. "And that was more important. If I went looking for revenge and something really bad happened, I wouldn't be any use to him. Or you."

"Well, I'm glad you're _so good_ at being smart and rational and controlling your emotions. Some of us aren't wired like that, okay?" Dean says mockingly. And he's definitely being childish and petty now, but Seth doesn't know _anything_. He's sick of him acting like he knows everything and he's right all the damn time.

Seth doesn't even bother to respond to that. It's too obvious that Dean's just trying to bait him. He just sighs heavily and sinks down in the chair next to his bed.

He waits a few moments where he just stares off into space at nothing, looking pensive and haunted, taking deep, even breaths.

"You don't know what it felt like to come out there and see you like that," Seth eventually says, voice sounding choked. "You weren't moving. It looked like you were — I don't know, not _there_ anymore. I was afraid you weren't going to open your eyes."

Dean lets himself absorb that for a long moment. Everything Seth had to be feeling in that moment, that he's still feeling now. He thinks about the reverse, if it were _Seth_ lying there on the stage, motionless, barely breathing — 

"Okay, I scared you, I'm sorry about that," Dean acknowledges gently. "I wouldn't take it back, though. He _deserved_ to pay."

"What about you?" Seth says, raising his eyes to Dean's face again. "Did _you_ deserve that?"

Dean considers it seriously, all the terrible things he's said and done in the past six months, everything he's been trying to ignore and bury deep down, flashing behind his eyes. "I don't know," he says truthfully. "Maybe."

"Is that what it was?" Seth says, looking almost horrified by the thought. "You were willing to take whatever he did to you as long as you made him pay for hurting Roman?"

Dean doesn't answer for a second. 

"I thought Roman deserved at least that much from me after what I did. To him. To you. I _had_ to do it, Seth. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't." He looks up at him, right into his eyes, hoping he can finally just _see_ that it was the only thing he could do.

It wasn't a thought. It wasn't a choice. There was no choice. It was just one giant, overwhelming feeling. That took over his entire being. One single-minded purpose. There wasn't any room left over to consider the consequences. He hurt Roman, he had to pay, it didn't matter if he died doing it because _not_ doing it would've killed him anyway. 

Dean's had a lot of self-destructive urges in his life, and maybe to some extent, this was too. But it wasn't that he wanted to punish himself; it's just that something else was so much bigger and more important that he couldn't begin to even see himself or what could happen to him. It didn't matter. It didn't even exist. He used to think that was scary, loving something that much, because it made you vulnerable, because it could only ever hurt you, but going into that fight — he'd just felt at peace with that truth. With the greater meaning it gives to everything he does.

Seth looks at him like his heart's about to break, but it's almost like he's beginning to understand too.

"Well, what about us?" he asks, voice small and fragile. "You think we'd be able to live with ourselves if something happened to you?"

"Seth, don't do that…" Dean exhales. And this is why he couldn't look him in the face and tell him what he planned to do before. It's not guilt, not really, he just hates the thought of hurting Seth any more than he already has.

"I can't — I can't bear the thought of losing you, Dean," Seth says, with a soft, vulnerable expression. "Losing either of you. After everything. After everything we've been through."

"You don't think that that's what I was thinking the entire time I was out there?" Dean asks, voice low. "That I would do anything, _give_ anything, if it meant that no one would ever hurt my family again?"

Seth nods, with a rueful smile. "I know. I know that that's who you are. And I love you for that. But it also scares the fucking hell out of me," he admits.

Dean just gives him a knowing look.

"You can't protect us from everything all the time, Seth," Dean tells him, almost apologetically. "You can try, but sometimes you just have to do what you know in your gut and in your heart is the right thing. Even if it's reckless and self-destructive and — fucking stupid. Sometimes it's about something greater than yourself."

"Like justice?" Seth suggests.

"Yeah, _justice_. Not revenge." It sounds better, at least. It always has.

" _Fuck_ justice, honestly," Seth says firmly.

Dean raises an eyebrow. "Fuck justice?"

"I don't give a damn about justice. Not anymore. I just care about you and Roman." He sounds like he means that more than he's ever meant anything in his life.

"Well, as long as you're here to keep all the reckless impulses in check, we're all gonna be fine," Dean says earnestly. He wants to believe that more than anything. Maybe he can be too reckless and Seth can be too cautious, but somehow, together, they meet perfectly, right in the middle.

Seth clenches his jaw. "I'm gonna fucking _kill_ McIntyre for this."

"No, you're not," Dean says with a tone of finality, shaking his head.

Seth looks at him with genuine surprise.

"You have bigger fish," Dean tells him simply. "You can't let that piece of shit ruin your shot at Lesnar. You worked too damn hard for that. That title's _yours_."

"So, what the hell do we do now, then?" Seth says, sounding dazed. He's looking to Dean for direction, which doesn't happen often, but he doesn't ever want to let Seth down whenever it does. And especially now, when he's had two scares with two brothers in one night. He deserves a break from making decisions, he supposes.

"For now...we make sure Roman's okay. And we heal up. Everything else will come after. We'll figure it out," he says, like he knows that's true. It has to be. As long as they have each other, everything else will sort itself out. That's all that matters.

Seth nods at him. "And god help the next sorry son of a bitch who comes after our brother."

"Damn straight," Dean agrees.


End file.
